3 min readFor collegiate and professional runners, progress is often measured in records and medals. But in recent years, athletes have normalized candid conversations about how their mental health has waxed and waned during peak training cycles. Yesterday, Stanford track star Roisin Willis—a state and national record holder and one of the most promising young runners in the history of the sport—shared her own struggle with depression.
“Never been a big fan of long Instagram posts, but I have a few things I’d like to share. I want to first say that I’ve been so blessed with all that has happened over the past year. But I'm tired of using social media as a highlight reel when there has been a lot more going on,” wrote Willis in an Instagram post.
The Stanford freshman went on to say that her first few months in school were characterized by terrible insomnia. “I was so confused why my body couldn’t sleep for days. My sleep issues went away during the indoor season, and I was in the best shape that I had ever been in. However, I had the worst pre-race anxiety that I’ve ever dealt with. After every race, I felt so empty,” said Willis, who took first place in the 800-meter event in 1:59.93 at the NCAA Division I Indoor Track & Field Championships in early March.
“Winning an individual national title felt like nothing even though I had worked so hard to achieve it,” she continued. “Running was the first thing I loved to do, and all that love had disappeared, making me feel so empty. Everyone expected me to be happy, but I just felt so drained, and all the excitement that I used to have for running, for life, had disappeared.”
According to Willis, everything came to a head when the outdoor season began, and her insomnia returned with a vengeance. “Every day felt so hard, I didn’t feel like myself anymore and I felt worthless. I tried to put on an act like I was fine, but about a month ago, I hit my breaking point.” While hitting a breaking point looks different for everyone, Willis noted that, for her, it looked like finally asking for help.
She took second place (2:02.04) in the 800-meter at the NCAA Division I Outdoor Track & Field Championships last weekend, a result she reflected on in the Instagram post. “Over the past month, I’ve been trying to come to terms that I struggle with depression. I really wanted to win this weekend. I thought if I could pull it off, it could make all the pain go away. I wanted to prove that I could beat depression. Unfortunately, I fell short. I gave it my all, but it was not my day,” she wrote.
A tidal wave of support arrived in the comments of Willis’ post from her friends and teammates. “I’ve always known you are an incredibly strong athlete, but sharing something like this requires a whole different kind of strength. so so much admiration for the person you are, love you endlessly and forever here for you through it all,” commented Juliette Whittaker, Willis’ peer on the Stanford track team. Shalane Flanagan and Des Linden also liked the post.
Willis ended her letter to her followers by saying that she’s still in the thick of grappling with her depression, but she now knows that there’s hope. “I waited so long to tell the people I loved because I feared what they would think of me. However, they never stopped loving me and helped me get through a rough few months,” she said. “I have faith that things will get better and that the pain will end.”
If you or someone you know is battling depression, contact the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Hotline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or simply dial 988.
Kells McPhillips is a health and wellness journalist living in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in Runner's World, The New York Times, Well+Good, Fortune, Shape, and others.
