5 min readEditor’s note: This story discusses death by suicide, alcoholism, and domestic violence.
Name: Tara Nicole Johnson
Age: 31
Hometown: Weston, Missouri
Occupation: Sales at Chris Taylor State Farm
Time Running: 16 years
I grew up in a home with alcoholism, a parent with untreated mental illness, and domestic violence—life was always chaotic and unpredictable. I started drinking when I was 14 years old, and at 15, I experienced my first blackout. I had lost my father from a heart attack when I was 17, and my mom kicked me out of the house shortly after. But I had turned to running when I was 15 as a way for me to get out of my house and cope with issues at home.
I attempted college, but failed my first year due to excessive partying. I ended up in the hospital from alcohol poisoning, and I was unconscious when the ambulance arrived. I was also involved in a hit and run incident as well, where I avoided all criminal charges. I needed structure and discipline, and that was what drove me to join the Navy in 2009. I was a military police officer, and was only in for fours years—I left in 2013, but my time spent in the Navy was well worth it, since it was definitely a growth period for me. However, while my dependence on alcohol started long before joining the Navy, the military’s “lax” view of drinking didn’t improve this dependence at all.
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I was experiencing major mood fluctuations, impulsivity, feelings of emptiness, and no will to live. I was unable to just sit with myself—I always needed to escape reality. I had gotten to a point where I couldn’t pick up a kitchen knife without wanting to stab myself in my stomach, and at that point I knew I needed help. I started seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist, and I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—from my childhood—and Bipolar I.
I got sober in 2019 after a DUI. As I have gotten sober, running has been my saving grace, and it keeps me from being triggered as easily and keeps me more balanced. Running has always been my “me” time—my time to reflect, think, move, and just challenge myself. It’s me versus me on the road. Although I’ve always been a runner, it did take time to get back to where I was before my drinking heavily impacted me. I’m running twice a day now, and my body almost depends on the physical activity to keep going. I completed David Goggins’ 4x4x48 Challenge back in March, where you run 4 miles every 4 hours for 48 hours, and it was one of the biggest mental challenges I have completed.
I love a combination of trail and track running, but I primarily run on the track. I was a sprinter in high school and do love a high-intensity workout. The track is a very controlled environment, and I can completely shut my brain down and not worry about outside disturbances.
I usually run 3 to 7 miles at a time with a combination of 1,000 to 3,000 stairs. I have hopes of getting out of my own head and working toward distance in the future—being able to run the Boston Marathon is a bucket list goal for me.
Tara’s Must-Have Running Gear
→ Garmin Forerunner 245 Running Watch: I love all of the tracking features—I’m a numbers nerd, and I love stats.
→ Xero HFS Running Shoes: I love the feeling of not wearing shoes—if I could be barefoot at all times I would. These shoes have that lightweight, barefoot feel that I love.
→ Liquid IV Hydration Packets: I always need extra hydration, and I can’t stand the way water tastes.
→ Jaybird Vista Headphones: These are the headphones I will use. They are environment-proof, have great battery life, and they stay in my ears!
Running has helped with my journey in recovery from my alcohol use disorder, PTSD, and bipolar disorder. I know it’s hard at first getting out and starting something from the ground up, but after you have started, the rewards are much greater. I’m grateful I had a friend, Martha, who pushed me in the beginning to fall back in love with running. I will never be able to repay her.
My family has been my rock through all of this. I honestly don’t know where I would be without all of them—specifically my son, Jeremiah. We’ve connected through running, and that’s been a huge thing for me. My other saving grace is my online family I’ve created through Reframe, an app and online sober/sober curious community. It’s an awesome tool I have at my fingertips that links me to people who are just like me—people who are trying to make a better life for themselves.
I’ve been very open and transparent about my journey through recovery, including my slips and trying to get a control on my mental illness. No one is perfect, and all I do every day is try to be better than I was yesterday. I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and I continue to grow from those.
Running clears my mind and challenges me, since it requires a certain level of discipline. I run rain, shine, snow, below freezing or well above 90 degrees. I know if I don’t run at least once a day, I am thrown off. Running makes me feel on top of the world—it is constantly challenging me to become a better version of myself. You don’t have to PR every run to be a runner. You don’t have to even enter a race to be a runner—that’s the biggest message I like to get across. I run for the average person. I run for people that continue to show up for themselves, even if there isn’t a medal waiting for you.
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Emily Shiffer has worked as a writer for over 10 years, covering everything from health and wellness to entertainment and celebrities. She previously was on staff at SUCCESS, Men's Health, and Prevention magazines. Her freelance writing has been featured in Women's Health, Runner's World, PEOPLE, and more. Emily is a graduate of Northwestern University, where she majored in magazine journalism at the Medill School of Journalism and minored in musicology. Currently residing in Charleston, South Carolina, Emily enjoys instructing barre, surfing, and long walks on the beach with her miniature Dachshund, Gertrude.
