Why I Run With a Gun

I didn’t start running until I was 42. I had friends who’d done half marathons and they convinced me I could do it, too. So far, I’ve done 19 half marathons, six full marathons, and two Ragnar Relays. It’s something I can do outside my marriage and family life, spending time with people who think like me.

Most of my training runs are done with one or two friends or by myself. I live in a rural area right outside Duluth, and typically run in the country by my house. Sometimes we run along back roads, with dirt and a lot of wildlife. People don’t always chain their dogs. And then there are wolves—they haven’t attacked any humans yet, but in one of the areas where I run relatively regularly, a dog was taken by a wolf maybe 100 feet from its owner.

I started carrying in February after seeing an uptick in both animal encounters and drug-related crimes in our area. I grew up in a hunting family and my husband is an avid hunter, but we never had handguns in the house. But we see where the political stream is going, and we want to make sure we can exercise our second amendment rights. We decided together to go through training and get our concealed carry permits.

It’s not something I took lightly—it’s hugely emotional. A lot of people assume you’re cavalier and you’re going to be this John Wayne, waving your gun. But it took me about six weeks to actually start carrying after I got my permit. You have to resolve within yourself that you could potentially take another person’s life.

I love my husband, I love my family, and when it really came down to it I would go to the ends of the earth to protect myself and them from harm, if I were presented with no other choice. It’s definitely not something everybody is going to be able to do. I applaud others for coming to a different decision. Just don’t infringe your views on my views.

I tell people I’m running with that I’m carrying, because I know some people may not be comfortable with it. Most of my friends actually feel safer, I think. Several of my friends are going to do their concealed carry classes soon. Once I did it, it wasn’t such a taboo for them.

Carrying has really taught me a lot about awareness of your own surroundings. Our instructor talked about keeping your head on swivel. I see more possible dangers. I’ve stopped wearing headphones when I run. You change all your habits, making yourself less of a target as well. The gun I carry is a tool, but the biggest tool you can use is your awareness.

I became a runner back in 2004; I run for the health of my mind, body, and spirit, and as a way of dealing with the everyday things I see while on duty. I’ve been a police officer for four years, and I’ve been carrying a gun while running for about three and a half years.

Before, I only carried keychain pepper spray. From training with the police department I learned an attacker can fight through pepper spray. Plus, a lot of things can go wrong—the distance between you and your attacker is closer, providing them an opportunity to move in on you, and you can end up spraying yourself.

Yes, there are initial hurdles. I was afraid of guns before I started handling them. I know they can cause grave danger. You wonder—what if the gun just goes off, for no reason? In training, you learn the gun doesn’t go off unless you make the decision to discharge it. At first, it was heavy and hard to get used to. But now, I run as if I don’t even have a weapon on me, and it’s actually increased my stamina and endurance.

I run solo. We have a concrete trail that spans about five miles in a multitude of directions. I typically do a loop on it and run by a church and a pond. One area is heavily wooded and has a lot of tall weeds where people can hide. I used to be a bike patrol officer, and when I was riding the trails we caught a couple perpetrators harassing women.

Just the other day, there was a guy who rode out on his bike, stopped abruptly, and whipped out his camera. I ran past him and turned around, and he swung around on his bike and started taking pictures of me. I know from my training that’s a threat. I stared at him and he rode off in the opposite direction. I’m thankful I was carrying my weapon because if I wasn’t and he attacked me, I would’ve been helpless because he was behind me and he was in good physical condition.

I’ve heard stories of female runners who were attacked and are now afraid to go running. I don’t ever want to have to face that fear. Running for me is a way to relieve stress, and if somebody attacks me and takes that away from me, I don’t know what I would do to cope.

My dad taught me how to shoot when I was 10 at a family cabin in the mountains of California. In high school I was on a community shooting team, then I joined the Army. I left when I had my second child. But I’ve always been around shooting and guns; it’s always been a part of my life.

There is a lot of stuff going on in this crazy world, and I want to be able to protect myself and my family. My husband just retired from Special Operations Forces, and he kept encouraging me to get my conceal carry permit once we moved off the military installation. Then he encouraged me even more after I had a couple uncomfortable incidents and I thought, ‘Well, I think I’ll do it.’ I got my permit in January of 2016. I carry a Walther CCP—I call it Walter. I’ll sometimes let my friends or family know, ‘I got Walter on me.’ I clip it to the front carry pack that is part of my ultra kit when I am out running in the country.

I’ve been running on and off through my adult life—I picked it up again seriously in the past two years. Now, I’m training for a race that’s kind of crazy [the Grand to Grand Ultra, a 170-mile, seven-day race from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon in Arizona to the summit of the Grand Staircase in Utah]. My husband runs with me sometimes, but there are times when he isn’t around.

Here in North Carolina, during the day it can be 90 degrees with stifling humidity. I work with a trainer in the morning, so this summer I was often waiting until early evening to run. Sometimes I’d be out until 8 p.m., when it’s starting to get dark. I was going routinely at the same time and started coming across some people in vehicles who made me uncomfortable. They would pass me, then turn around and pass again. And twice there was a particular truck sitting there by a church. I feel much safer now that I carry.

Being a gun owner, there’s a lot of responsibility. I don’t ever want to pull it out, but if I do, I want to know what to do, how to deal with malfunctions, and what my legal rights are. I go to the range and practice to stay current on my conceal carry permit, and my husband and I go through scenarios to help me better analyze a potential threat. He’ll say, ‘Okay, somebody’s coming up on you right now. What are you going to do?’ I go through the motions of unzipping my pack, building muscle memory. How many inches off? Where is it, so my hand just naturally falls to it?

I know people who are so anti-gun, who look at me like I’ve got a gorilla growing out of my forehead. They have a difference of opinion and can’t related to my decision to have a gun in my house or to conceal carry. But I believe I have to protect myself and my family or friends. I tell myself, ‘I’m going to stand my ground to the last round.’ But I don’t just rely on my gun. If I need to kick them, break their nose, whatever, I’ve had that training, too.

One of my friends was a runner and challenged me to do the couch to 5K program about four years ago. When I accomplished my first 5K, it was such a rush. Also, I had a stressful job at the time and training was a great release. It’s like a meditation for me.

I run from my home up a fairly busy main street to a park, around the trails there, and then back. When I want to do longer runs and clear my head, I run in a rural area with dirt roads and farms. Out there, you’re completely by yourself.

My husband is a police officer and he always encouraged me to have something along for protection. Even the trails we run on through our parks, there have been several attacks there. I had a concealed carry permit and I carried my firearm in my purse or vehicle, but at first, I resisted taking it running. I thought, ‘That’s going to be difficult, how do you even do it?’

But then I went on one particular run up the busier street later in the evening. There weren’t a lot of people out. Two men in a really beat-up pick-up truck went down the road and approached me driving really, really slowly. They went up the road and turned around at the intersection and came back. I was at least a half-mile away from any houses. I knew if I dialed 911 it was going to be too late. I felt unsafe and powerless.

Fortunately, nothing happened, but I started carrying every time I went out. I feel much more empowered and comfortable in those areas and I don’t have as much fear.

I haven’t come close to using the firearm. In the concealed carry classes, they taught us criminals often target victims who appear vulnerable. When I got to the place of carrying on my person my confidence level went up, I wasn’t as fearful, and I carry myself differently. I think that helps prevent situations I might be put in otherwise.

I have friends and family members who don’t go out by themselves or wouldn’t run because they feel afraid and vulnerable. For me, this is one way women can empower themselves to do things they might otherwise not feel comfortable doing. It’s freeing to be able to do those things and feel you could protect yourself if need be.