How to Embrace Your Pre-Marathon Freak Out
PSA: This article does not contain practical advice for calming your nerves.
Unfortunately for people who, like me, are prone to getting stuck in their own heads, the month, days, and minutes before a big race lends itself well to mental exercises in terminal neuroticism. Tapering, especially, gives us extra time to properly freak ourselves out. So for us folks who have nothing to do other than think about the catastrophic circumstances that could mess up our weeks of training, here are some helpful tips on how to accomplish absolutely nothing before the big day:
Think about the worst thing that could happen.
Anxiety is key. I like to use the month before the race to channel all of my energy toward what could go wrong. I could get hit by a bus, for example.
Focus on what’s not actually important. Like your playlist.
Put more effort into making a playlist than making a race plan. On long runs, when a song you don’t like plays, become furious with your past self.
Plan your post-race feast like a boss.
You’re going to need at least three full weeks to fantasize and tell everyone about what you’re going to eat after the race is over. Tell your partner, your best friend, the cashier at the grocery store. Ignore the fact that none of them gives a shit.
Check the forecast constantly.
Obsess about the weather, the one thing you can’t change. Remember: anxiety!
Put down the beer.
Abstain from alcohol for the last two weeks before race day. Act like a real martyr about it. People love that.
Obsess about your BMs.
Spend the last three days before the race preoccupied with the timing of your bowel movements. Worry about yourself like you’re your own baby.
Read all the tips, then ignore them.
Conventional wisdom says you shouldn’t change anything after your longest run. Don’t let that stop you from changing every element of gear in the minutes before you leave for a race, including underwear.
Pick a power color.
I decided that electric yellow, the kind of yellow that is the color of pee after one has consumed vitamins, was my “power color” and have worn the same pee-yellow singlet for my last two marathons.
Be early on race day so you can warm up.
Show up to the race about half an hour earlier than you think you need to. Hell, an hour. Jump around in the start corral. Do stretches you vaguely remember from high school cross country. Does this do anything? Who knows!
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